Friday, February 5, 2010

An Old Girlfriend

I met my old girlfreind for breakfast the other day. It was kind of a big deal. She is the only woman I have ever been in love with. Truly. But, I'll tell you, I learned a long time ago that being in love sucks.

I'm not in love with her anymore and meeting her did not bring back any of those old painful feelings cause that is what being in love is -- it fucking hurts.

No, it was good to see her and also to see she has a happy family and she is doing well.

I can could go on awhile about love. Someday I might go into more detail. Lets just say I love my wife and I have loved other women in the past, but I was in love only once. Being in love with someone is no fun for anybody.

I should probably qualify this a bit. I have fallen in love again. I am in love with my son. I cannot imagine how I could go on with my life without him. My own death would be easier to bear. That is what being in love is and placing that kind of thing on another person is not fair. The other person is not responsible for your being in love with them. My son did not ask that I fall in love with him, but in his case it can't be helped.

Our partners, lovers and spouses though, those people we should love and cherish, but never fall in love with. We need to realize that keeping these sustaining these relationships require work and is not something owed or bequeathed to us by some power known as love. Loving someone requires responsibility, being in love with someone is an affliction you best find a cure for.

Truthfully, when I met my old girlfriend I did feel love for her and a responsibility to let her know I cherished our time togerther a long time ago. My affliction for falling in love, though, was cured a long time ago.

My Name

Its kind of funny. I don't mean to be paranoid, but the problem with all this Internet shit is that there is just not any privacy. What anyone is doing on Facebook is beyond me. It is just too risky. I don't need people knowing any more about me than I want them to and frankly, I really don't want certain people reading this blog to know it is me.

So, I don't use my real name. I used my real name in my very first post to my blog. And, in the past when you searched google for me using my name, way down the line you would get a link to my first thread for this blog. It would come up on the 10th page or so. Well, lately it comes up on the first page, which means a whole bunch of people searching for me found me and I don't know who you are. So, I edited out my name on my first post.

What can I say, I'm paranoid.