What I am finding is how silly it is to blog. It is sort of like keeping a diary. I have made several aborted attempts at keeping a journal/Diary in the past and I suspect that one day I will abort this mission of keeping a blog online to write down random thoughts.
It is nice knowing that very few people have frequented this blog since I began it a little over a week ago. I actually went and got one of those tracking codes that tells me how many people have been visiting. It has been less and less everyday. I keep this blog out of boredom, as I have mentioned before. In the past I have visited several other blogs on the Internet and engaged in dialogue with other commenter's. After awhile you form an online personality. One of these personalities I maintain is at Talkleft.com and his name is Peaches. Peaches ideas are not much differet than my own, but the conversation has grown stifling as he has developed friendships and enemies over the three years he's been there. What has happened is everybody understands where Peaches comes from now and the discussions don't go very far since he is usually met with, "Well, That's great Peaches. Btw, how is the Garden?"
I am not going to attract a large flow of traffic here, because basically, writing out of the need to relieve boredom is, well, boring. As Charles Bukowski was fond of saying, "Only the boring get bored."
I prefer to think that not many readers are reading my random thoughts. But, the question I keep asking myself is why should I even attempt to keep a blog? What purpose could it practically serve? I am dumbfounded.
I suppose this has always been my limiting question for pursuits in the arts. What purpose would it serve? What do I have to offer? What thoughts could come out of my mind that would even be remotely interesting? And, listen, I don't have these questions because I have some self-esteem problem. Actually, I think pretty highly of myself - perhaps, too high. I'm just painfully aware that genius is a rare quality in America where our lives as automatons at work and our thoughts have been so carefully crafted through public education and the electronic media until we all are unimaginative drones repeating the same thoughts and ideas over and over to each other.
So, I suppose, somewhere within me I hold an unconscious impulse that says there is an ounce of originality inside me if I can just give it some nourishment. This blog might be that voice or it could be the echo of a the same voice we all hear telling us we are doing something unique and different. It is not the desire to do something unique and different that inspires me to write, but the desire to silence the voice coming from outside so I can hear the voice from within.